Finances and Marriage - We Are Talking Money Live Full Episode

All right, Sarah, why are you excited about Thanksgiving? Because I love Thanksgiving food. Dressing. Oh, man.

Remember the story? We usually are in New York for Thanksgiving and the food's different. Hearty daughty. Yeah. All right. Different style of Thanksgiving food up north than when I'm home in Georgia.

So that's your husband's family, so they have a different style of food. Tell me quickly, what is the difference? What's the most notable thing? [Music] How do I work this? So don't get yourself in trouble. I'm not going to.

So they do, I don't know if it's classic, classic for the north, so they do mashed potatoes, which I don't eat, stuffing inside the turkey. Oh, wow. And then maybe green peas. Ah, okay. Yeah, about it. Or green beans, I bet. Yeah. But his sister made a stuffing outside of the turkey with sausage last year. Yep. That was good. Really good, huh? Oh my gosh, she, yeah, killed it with that. But at home we usually go with dressing, and there's casseroles galore, and there's definitely gonna be mac and cheese somewhere, and corn casserole and ham and just overwhelming amounts of food.

I hate to say it, but of course Thanksgiving, when you think about a lot of the settlers of America, Massachusetts comes to mind, New York, you've got a lot of history there. But on the other hand, when you think about Thanksgiving and celebrating with the Pilgrims and the Indians when this thing originated, you probably, you get a little bit of the north and a little bit of the south. And so we're sort of southern at heart here, and I just think our food's better.

We're not just southern at heart, we are souther and through. Yeah, we're totally southern. And I don't know, our food is just, it is different. I've celebrated Thanksgiving for many years and I've tasted food from around the country, and I always come back to the things that we do local. So it's like you said, it's stuffing out of the turkey and it's laced with good sausage. In fact, Sarah, two weeks ago I made a batch of Italian sausage, so I've got it cased, it's ready. And I don't usually do stuffing, but this year I've got that great Italian sausage, I'm doing it.

I recommend it. Last year was the first time I ever had it with sausage. My mother usually does it with chicken, so we do chicken dressing. Exceptional.

One of the things that's real popular in the south is people will use other chicken parts, so livers or gizzards or whatever, and very popular in stuffing, and really good. Just a different, it's a different flavor, a different texture. But overall, we all have traditions. Food is food, but boy, does it taste different when you get into other regions. But I'm like you, I'm looking forward to it. We're gonna do Thanksgiving on Saturday, and looking forward to that. So nice.

And we have a recipe today for everyone if they're doing kind of a non-traditional Thanksgiving. A lot of people are staying home, doing things differently, and if you're not preparing food for the masses like you usually are, then maybe you could use our recipe. Maybe. And a lot of people, they don't always go traditional. Yeah, true. Might be some folks out there that want to do a steak, and we've got a great steak and sauce recipe that is going to pair perfectly with one of the wines we're going to talk about today. Or one of the grapes, I should say. One of the grapes, yes. Absolutely.

Well, I'm pretty darn excited about Thanksgiving in spite of what we're dealing with and all of this recent talk about don't congregate, don't get with your neighbors, don't have your family in the house more than five or ten. That's a tough thing to deal with this time of year, especially after having seven eight months of feeling like you've been isolated from family. So it's gonna be interesting to see how this one turns out. Absolutely.

For me, we're going to celebrate a small group, but celebration nonetheless, so I'm excited about that. And I think you're heading south to be with your family for Thanksgiving, so should be good. You should be good. Hopefully we all stay healthy and don't be doing too much hugging and kissing, I guess. So yeah, it's like my favorite thing. Stay six feet away from me. You are a little bit like that.

So all right, well, let's move from Thanksgiving, which, boy, what a great time of year to talk about some of these things, because we're going to dive into finance and marriage. And marriage is one of those things where I believe there's true thankfulness that's built in, but it doesn't always turn out that way. We have such a high rate of divorce, and so where it should be a thankful time, it doesn't always turn out that way. I hope that we give some tips and advice today that will help folks if they're going through an issue, or having an issue rather, or if they've seen this or they're experiencing this in their home or a friend's home or family home. Maybe they can use some of what we talk about today to make some better decisions.

Oh yeah, or just prepare yourself better. A lot of people, I know the Catholic Church requires counseling prior to marriage, and I almost think that money counseling should be part of the requirement before marriage.

You know what, Sarah, I think money counseling should be part of life. Yeah, obviously. You know what I mean, just, but the point at which you can control money or you have money, and probably a more predictable time, would be coming out of, say, high school heading into college. I think you ought to have money classes from elementary school, but certainly when you're moving towards a time in your life where you get to make decisions. Money is, it can be a wonderful thing, but it can also be a killer in a lot of ways.

So we were talking about it this morning actually, about people that either inherit or they come into a windfall or they're just born into a lot of money, or in their life is, their lives tend to be as full of problems, if not more so, than those that don't have it. So money is just not, it's not always the thing that results or solves problems. You have to know how to deal with those problems no matter how much or how little money you have. Because I don't think just the fact that you, that it's not just money that creates a problem. It's either having too much or not enough, and then knowing what to do with it and how to deal with the problems that come with that, either that good benefit or maybe a potential problem of not having it. But you got to know how to deal with it.

Absolutely. And we'll start by talking about divorce, and the topic today is not divorce, but just so everyone's aware, not that everyone's living under a rock, but 80 of all people get married, and of that eighty percent, divorce rates are at fifty percent. And that's just, wow, general. Holy mackerel, that's a lot. Yeah. And you can speak for different, I would say, sectors of people where I know that, for example, my husband's profession, I think it's more like 80 or 90 percent divorce rate. Wow. Oh my goodness.

That's something that, and money is a huge issue. Money is one of those things that stresses relationships out to no end. So take that off the plate to begin with. Before you get married, do marriage counseling that focuses on finances. Make sure that you, we'll talk about things today to prepare yourself, but just realize things like divorce, I think, what did we say, it's deb the retirement killer. Yep. People going through divorce, your finances are ruined.

They certainly can be. Almost any client that we work with, if they've been through a divorce, going through a divorce, if it's imminent, their retirement accounts and overall success of their financial plan, it quickly gets derailed. We've seen it time and time again. And it kind of boils down to this. Divorce rates, as you said, I didn't realize they were 50. I knew they were high, but, and I've heard 50 thrown around. That is a lot. Oh my god, that's a lot. Yeah.

But here's what's really interesting. 80 of us get married. Nobody, you've worked with a lot of clients, I've worked with a lot of clients, we work with new clients every year. How many times have you sat down with a new client and they said, now, by the way, we want to make sure that we plan for our divorce as part of our financial plan? They just don't do it, right? Never. Never. It never happens. Yet 50 are getting divorced, and a second marriage has an even higher divorce rate. Oh my gosh.

And the second marriages and finances, I did not do research on second marriages, but based off of what I have experienced with clients, they are wildly messed up in that. Oh my gosh, yeah, it's so true. Well, they're so independent at that point. So independent. They've been hurt before, so they've dealt with the retirement killer, divorced once already, so they've been scorned and they don't want to face another issue like they did the first go-around. Well, they're in protection mode. Yes. And they never come out of it. And if you live under that veil of protection, then you can never really engage in the marriage, which is more of an, it should be an open book.

So, and then a third marriage, even higher still. So look, at that point, I once, we once had a client, Sarah, this was long before you joined us. This is probably 15 years ago, but we had a client, he was out of Winston-Salem, he was married five times and was about to be married a sixth, and I don't think that one worked out. But I gotta tell you, I'm not saying that you shouldn't get married as many times as you want, but I gotta tell you, after two or three, I just believe I would, I think I'd throw in the towel.

I didn't know there were more than one man in the world that anybody would want to marry anyways. I feel like when you find that person, now hold on a minute. That hurt pretty, that was pretty deep right there.

So, but in all seriousness, financial planning is so important to success in life as it relates to the present and your future. But then you throw divorce into it, and gosh, the best laid plans, they go out of style real, real quick when a divorce ensues. So let's talk about that a little further, because there's some really good points here that I think if people heed this information, and really, really if they implement these kinds of things, I believe not only can divorces be avoided, I think that number could go down significantly, but I also think there are better ways to get through a divorce if you just plan better. If you have to go through one, I think there's a better way to plan for it.

So 80 of people get married, 50 percent, gosh, that is staggering still, there are divorcing. I read an article that said 2020, that's down slightly, but then I read another article that said it likely goes up by year end when all the census data's in, because of what we're dealing with right now. The stress, the finances, the finance is staying home, it's just the two of you and the children 24 7.

Right, right. And one of the things that I found pretty interesting is when you really step back, depending on who you ask, everybody believes that there's lots of things that lead to divorce. I've seen books on the 30 things and I've seen books on the 5 and the 10, and everybody has their interpretation of each of those elements. But I think at the top of that list is money, and it's likely at the top of the list or near the top of the list with almost every expert, I believe.

Money issues cause stress, stress chokes off communication, and a lack of communication is going to lead to a breakdown in trust. And you take those three things, put them together, they exacerbate one another, you're going to end up in a divorce. If you don't know how to deal with those things, or you don't recognize them and begin to deal with them, you're going to be one of these statistics. So.

Absolutely. And you just said it best: it's trust. It gets down to trust. When you mess up finances or you're not on the same page, yeah, it's over.

All right, well, oh yeah, we'll start with the number one thing to do before you're getting married is talk about money. How hard is that?

No doubt about it, we got to talk about some money. I'm trying to think of what other thing I want that to play when I say something great.

Well, here's the thing. When young people, you tell them talk about money before they get divorced, they lol, this is the past. That's what you get. It's just a bunch of laughing, and they say to you, all we know about money, we don't need to study that. But to your point, the Catholic Church requires counseling, and part of the Catholic, their curriculum is money. It's a big part of it. And I just think fundamentally, if you don't get that part right, you're starting off on a pretty rocky path.

And I love what you open with here under your points about talking about money. It's money scripts play a large role in this. Talk about that.

Absolutely. So a couple weeks ago we went through, I think, 10 money scripts, and a lot of those are conflicting. So when you get married, sometimes you have the same socio-economic background and your families are similar. Maybe you grew up in Bremen, where I'm from, and you've known each other your whole life and you have the same upbringing, so money scripts might be the same. I digress. Usually money scripts are wildly different between someone that you meet, especially if they're from somewhere different, have lived a different life. So those are going to conflict, and those are things that are innate at that point.

Absolutely.

So you have to, you go back and listen to that podcast that we put out, but you have to understand what money scripts drive you and what drives your spouses or your future spouse. If you can talk about those and understand that, I think that puts you in a really good vantage point to be able to figure out how you're going to make things work.

You just said it. It's simple, but this is the part that a lot of people miss. We come from different places. Even if you grow up in the same neighborhood, your household is different than your neighbors. And your money scripts come from your parents, your grandparents, and those things are ingrained right there. They're etched in your mind. And so the way you look at money, it's unlikely that the way you look at money is going to be the same as, say, your future spouse.

I think that conversation has to be, that has to take place early in the relationship. Otherwise neither of you really understand how the other one feels about money. And if you're disparate in your beliefs about money, or as you said, those money scripts, if those things differ markedly, then you better know that going in.

The other thing is, what does your spouse to be, or maybe you're already married, maybe it's your current spouse, what are your goals and objectives for life, short term and long term? And I find that to be, when I sit down with a new client, heck, when I sit down with existing clients that have been around us for 10 or 15 years, I'll ask them, tell me about your retirement goals. What are the things that the two of you want to most do together when you retire? And they look at me like I've got three heads, like I really thought about it.

We want to get a camper, maybe.

Yeah, well, he wants to play golf, she wants to do something else, and that's great. You need that. I think for a healthy relationship you've got to have some separation and have your hobbies, but—

Or she wants him to keep working.

Or she wants him to keep working. That's the one that we hear. We hear that a lot.

Yeah, we hear that a lot.

I think there might be an ulterior motive to that one, but I digress. So, but I got to tell you, if you don't know what those things are, you're going to have some challenges in that marriage, because eventually those things are going to come out, and those are the beginnings of having a different path in life and a different path in that marriage. And you really need to be on the same path. You're literally becoming one unit, and that's a huge commitment on its own by itself before you delve into all these things.

But back to money. So you develop these goals together, but you better know what the goals are coming into the marriage. Because if you try to develop goals and you don't know what the others may be, and that person that you're about to marry, or you don't share with each other what your goals are coming into the marriage, it's hard to set new ones, because in the back of your mind you're thinking, well, I still want to achieve the one that I'm bringing to the marriage, but you're not willing to talk about it. That is problematic.

Absolutely. So number one, it just, talk about money. Get it out there. Make sure you understand what they wanted prior to marriage, what they're going to want after marriage, and collaborate. Figure out what the two of you want together.

It's so, so hard for a lot of people to understand that, and not all of them, not all. You look at couples today and there's something that I see, and I think it's a trend. When I speak to young people, and when I say young people, in their 20s that are about to be married, the things that I hear from them when I ask them, well, hey, what led you to decide you want to get married? What are the things you're most looking forward to? What are the things that you most appreciate about one another? And Sarah, some of the answers that I get, you just scratch your head. They have nothing to do with being on a journey together and creating a long life of matrimony, creating this long life of monogamy where they are coming together as one to create a greater force and to move through life together. It has nothing to do with that.

And so, money's a big enough problem, but I really think age and money are two of the biggest drivers. So if you're too young, you're not quite mature enough for it, you probably aren't mature enough to manage money. So now all of a sudden you got two really major things in the same bucket, and I think it's going to make, it makes it even more difficult.

So to that point too, even if you're in your 20s or you're in your 30s or 40s and you've had financial planning put in place already—

Yes.

That's something that you need to make sure. If you're, say, both of you are 35, 36, come to the table, both of you have financial plans in place, but you weren't planning to be married, right? So that changes the game. Make sure if you're going to talk about money and you already have an advisor and you already have what you think is a solid single plan in place, bring those to the table. Bring those to a single advisor and figure out how it's going to mesh and how it's going to work.

Look, you want all of this stuff to come together so that it is harmonious, so it works together. And if you do, you get this great result.

Yeah, that's how I feel about Donnie all the time.

Try that again. [Laughter] How about—

I love it.

Yeah, isn't that cool? So, so I think that here's two things that we've uncovered now so far as it relates to marriage and making that commitment. There should be a lot more to it than simply saying, I want this beautiful wedding. I think a lot of young people get enamored with this beautiful venue and this incredible ceremony that's very expensive. They get hung up on that and they forget about the reality of life. They don't have enough experience to know what life really cost. They really don't have a system in place with experience to know how they're going to move through life. And heaven forbid hard times hit, we go through something like this, jobs are lost, what have you, what do you fall back on? And in your early 20s, suffice it to say, you probably don't have anything.

Herein lies the problem, because now the finance thing, the money thing, becomes front and center the minute that you can't pay your bills. Stress, no communication, anger, fights, abuse, everything goes awry, and the D word starts getting talked about.

It does, it does. And it's troubling to think about it this way, and I hate that it's such a negative tone to our podcast today, but it's true. And our hope is, as we go through the rest of these points, the hope is that we can educate enough that people say, you know what, this is real.

Oh yeah, these are major things here.

And this 50 rate of divorce, that's not something that's being made up. That's real.

Yeah, that's a real stat.

The second, I guess, tip that we would give: so you're going to talk about, you're going to figure out your goals. The next one is combine expenses. And that doesn't mean that you have to share one bank account and one credit card for the whole family. I would say if you feel more comfortable keeping your checking account, fine, but putting all of your expenses on one card, it just creates transparency. It creates maybe ease of a budget.

Oh yeah, for sure. Because you really want to put a budget in place, especially if you are the 20 year old, 30, 40, 50, 60. Everybody needs a budget. You have to operate within your budget. You have to combine expenses to be able to accurately control your budget.

And we talk to clients all the time. Spending is a huge, you can't do planning without true spending.

People put a budget. If you don't know your spending, how in the world do you know if you're winning or losing the battle towards accumulating wealth? You don't.

You can't. You don't. And people use spreadsheets all the time, which is fine if that's what you're going to work with, but anytime we get a spreadsheet from a client, but then we go in and analyze their true spending—

Oh, it's always different.

It never matches. Ever, ever, ever, never. So use one card, and we won't get into use the credit card and get the points and pay it off every month. I don't like that. But use one card. You will see your true spending, and most of these, American Express will show you what you're spending money on. It's going to show what your trends look like.

Yeah, they have some pretty elaborate statements these days. I remember early in my career, my first credit card, it was the most basic statement and there was nothing impressive about it. It was basically itemized. You could see what you bought, see how much you owe, and see—

Yeah.

And see what your penalties are if you don't pay. So. But today it's allocated, there's a pie chart, there's all of these spending tips and techniques, and points to boot. But much easier to track all of those things with today's technology, and if you don't have that, our system allows you to do it. So very easy to do this.

But here's the problem, Sarah. Especially young couples, they absolutely hate the word budget. And then you take mature couples who have developed their wealth or grown their wealth, so they think they hate budget. Nobody wants to hear about it. Oh, I don't want to live by a budget. Well, let's face it, you either live by a budget because you choose to, or you live by a budget because you'll have to when things get bad and you haven't prepared properly. When you're forced to live by a budget, it is much harder to get used to that and accept it than it is to simply do it because you know it's the right thing and it's going to put you in a better place financially. So yeah, that's a great point.

Combining expenses, I want to come back to that point for just a minute, or to that topic. I hear a lot of people, 25, 30 years old, really up to their 40s, 50s, and I've even seen in the recent, say, in the last year, I can recall conversations with very mature clients, and they still have separate checking accounts. They do everything separate. Well, you said that doing that eliminates transparency in a lot of ways, so I think putting it together creates

transparency. I think it helps build trust, to your point, but there's something else: it also simplifies the relationship. Amen. Let's say, heaven forbid, one of you gets disabled or incapacitated. If the accounts are separate and I'm not on my wife's account and she's not on mine, you're gonna have a heck of a hard time dealing with that. And if you need the money, if she's responsible or he's responsible for paying certain bills and you can't get to the money, you got a real problem.

And unless you've put the legal documentation in place, power of attorney, financial power of attorney, if those things aren't in place, or if you're not a co-signer on the account, or rather a signer on that account, right, you have no access. Oh no. You're in a real bad place. You could be in a really bad spot.

So I think that if you're going to get married, let's be honest, you're going to share the house. You both have keys to the house, your name's on all the deeds together, it caught meaning titles to cars, deed to the home. You're in everything together. You share the bathroom, you share your bedroom, everything. Yep. You drink out of the same containers. Look, everything. And then all of a sudden it comes to money, and there's that word again, money, then you want to separate it. Well, I just want to have my independence.

Well, when you get married, you are a unit. You can be independent in terms of your career and things of that nature, but you're a unit. There is no more independence at the very core. You're one unit now. And so if you're going to share all those things, why would you keep the bank account separate? Because it will create more problems than it will create benefits, right? There's just no doubt.

No, and I think I wish more people, when you think about marriage being, it being one is actually wonderful. Oh my gosh. I think it is. I think having your independence versus being married, I would choose being married any day of the week.

From a counselor's perspective, they would tell you that's what's referred to as alone time, or time to be separated from one another to do the things that you enjoy, to have your independence within a relationship. So you want to do your hobbies, I want to go play golf, whatever it is, that's perfectly natural and healthy. They say every book I read about relationships, it's healthy to have your friends or your little community where you get to spend time with another person. That's great. But when it comes to your marriage, the unity, it's all about being one.

And whether people on our podcast today want to hear about scripture or not, I'm just going to tell you that the Bible tells us that power comes in unification. It comes, so, and we were designed to be married. We're designed to be together. So I think you have to view it that way. Otherwise you set yourselves up for vows and a certificate, but if you don't embrace the unity, then what's the use of being married? You're probably going to end up in a divorce, and the numbers prove that. Exactly. The numbers don't lie. Yup.

All right, look, I know how it works. I just, Natalie controls all of our money. I don't ever look at the bank accounts. She handles it, and I trust her explicitly. There's not an ounce of distrust there. And that's it.

That's funny. I think most wives, when there is a shared lifestyle, I think most wives do handle finances. I know I pay all of our bills. Donnie has one bill that he has to make sure gets paid, and everything else he couldn't tell you how they get paid or how much they are. And my mom, I think, is the same way. She, I'm pretty sure she still writes paper checks. I hope she doesn't listen, but I hope she is listening. I'm pretty sure she still writes paper checks, but she handles all of that as well. I don't think my dad has ever paid the credit card bill each month, or not do Georgia Power down there.

I've done it, I've done it, but I got to tell you, I think most women are a little more rational when it comes to that stuff. A lot of men listening would say, my gosh, my wife spends with reckless abandon. But really, if you bear down on this thing and you really dig into that subject a little bit, you'll find that most women, they can tend to apply the 24-hour rule better than a man. Absolutely.

I think it's okay, and really I don't want to do it. Most people look at me and they'll say, Phil, you've been in finance for almost 30, or for 30 years, and why wouldn't you handle all that? And sometimes they don't know that my wife's a CPA, so she's actually better equipped to do it than I am. But in all seriousness, I don't think it should just be one of you doing the finances. I actually think that should be shared to make it an even better relationship and more transparent. But you absolutely should have things joined, so unity is from top to bottom.

And I think it would absolutely help. When it comes down to the subject of money, you're going to have a better relationship if you're transparent. The minute that you hide one thing, you'll hide another and another and another. And if that happens to be inside the bank book and it ever comes out, boy, trust is busted quick. Oh yeah. And you can't get that back.

So speaking, so we've talked more about combining things and unity and making sure you're sharing expenses and talking about things. Our next point is something that is a little separate, but everyone, if you're both working, you should both be contributing to your retirement account. Absolutely. Do not just let one person, oh well, she makes more than me, or he makes more than me, so I'm not gonna contribute. Don't be crazy. Both of you should be contributing.

If you're not, first things first, you could be missing out on your employer match. That is not free money to you, because I'm sure you do the job, but that is almost like free money to you. That is extra income. Yeah, immediately. The best rate of return you'll ever get. We talk about this all the time. Absolutely. You should both be contributing. I don't care if you're not both maxing, you should contribute as much as possible. Absolutely.

Absolutely you should. That's a major miss, a major mistake. And if you're not doing it, you're probably missing the match. Yeah. Which is huge return. You're not saving for your retirement, right? If you get into an unfortunate situation of divorce, then you don't have retirement for yourself now. And don't expect that your spouse leaving the marriage, even though they might have to split theirs, it's never going to be enough to offset what you could have already been saving on your own. And therefore you're going to be facing a much more difficult path to a successful retirement.

Absolutely. And if you divorce, it's not your spouse's responsibility if they've been the one saving. Yes, you're operating as a unit, but you have to, you both do your part. That's right. It's just like doing household chores. Those are everyone's responsibility. That's not one person's responsibility. Saving for retirement is not one person's responsibility.

Well, again, it's unity. And if we're in a relationship and we become one, and if you ever listen to the wedding vows, really listen to them, then I don't think I've ever heard or attended a wedding where the vows did not say that you become one. If you truly believe that, then you'd want to save, both of you. It would be a lateral thing across the board. You'd both be doing everything you can, from sharing responsibilities of household chores to saving for retirement, because you're planning for this future together. You're not planning for divorce. We said that nobody ever does that, right? Right.

So if no one does that, they must be saying that we're committed to the relationship. But if they're really committed, how is it that we have 50 divorce? And I really think it's not that they don't want to be committed. I think it's they go in uneducated about what it takes. It's hard to be married. Marriage is not easy street. There are things that are challenging, there's just no doubt. How you deal with those challenges is what makes marriage feel easy or more difficult.

You and Donnie, for example, y'all handle those things great. And I think for people that do, marriage looks easy. For the ones that don't, marriage looks extremely difficult, and it is, right? So there's a 50 divorce rate for a reason, and a lot of it boils down to more than just money, but I still believe money's at the top of the heap. So absolutely, don't forget to do your part. Save. Both of you should be saving for retirement, as Sarah said, and that's a big miss. So don't let that one be part of your life, or maybe we're talking about your children right now, coach them on these things. These are very important topics.

Absolutely. And I cannot tell you how many clients that we meet with, maybe 90 plus, where only one spouse contributes to retirement. People, there's employer match, there's profit sharing. You are missing out on so much. I don't know, it just blows my mind.

It's really a common thing, a trend really, and certainly not the right one. It does not benefit anyone when you do it that way. And here's the number one reason they don't. We'll hear them say, well, we just can't afford it. Well, that means you're not living by a budget. You're probably overspending, or you probably shouldn't be married in the first place.

But this is why we go back to the basics. At the beginning of the show we said you should have these money conversations before, yes, you get married. And don't get married for the sake of getting married. Get married because, one, you love that person, and you really believe that you are ready for that step in your life and know what you're getting into. Some people would just get married for the sake of getting married, or they'll do it in spite of a nagging feeling telling them this is not the right thing. They'll just do it.

And then people will stay in a marriage for the right reasons. Well, there's a million of those. A lot of times it's kids, it's this, it's that. The fact of the matter is, if you get into something that doesn't work, don't try to stay there for the right reasons. It's going to get worse and worse. But if you get into it for the right reasons and it is a good match, be sure that you do your homework on the front end and throughout the marriage. Right. And if you do, you've got a great shot. But you've got to get the money part right going in, otherwise the money part is going to be wrong coming out. Yes. They're not going to feel great about it.

Then the last thing, though, and you could almost start with this one, but it's the estate planning. It's getting the legal documents in place, making sure that they are properly written. We see almost every younger couple, and when I say younger couple, I refer to someone who is say 40 or under, they don't have a will, they don't have a power of attorney, they don't have any kind of legal documents, declaration for a natural death, or as most people might know it, a living will. They don't have any of those things. None of that's been put in place. They take for granted that none of that's necessary.

People say, well, I don't have anything yet. We're just getting married, we'll get to that. Well, you probably are bringing something to the marriage. And even if you're not, all of a sudden you have a child, now there's something else of an issue. But as you begin to accumulate things, that marriage is now moving forward, you need to have things in place, whether good or bad strikes, so that there's documentation in place to drive the next decisions, or to make those decisions easier, or just to simply allow you to handle the other one's affairs. Those things are so overlooked, and I think they're easy fixes, minimal cost, but boy, they don't get done.

No, and they're so important. And we have a show coming up just talking about how to protect your loved ones. Oh yeah. And so a lot of this will play into it. So having the right documents in place, just like you just said, you just listed almost all of them, we want to make sure that you have those types of things in place, not just for marriage, but to protect your loved ones. Not to protect you from divorce or anything like that, but just to make sure that you have done what's responsible.

You know what, and boy, with marriage comes a lot of responsibility. Yes. Whether you have kids, whether you're going to have kids, maybe you're a mature adult, maybe you're close to retirement and you're fortunately still in your marriage, sir. Just a quick point here. You met with a couple, I don't know, it's been a few months ago, but they're almost 70, and they didn't have legal documents in place. One of them had a major health crisis, and all of a sudden we were at a point where it was almost too late, because one being of sound mind is required to put that stuff in place

but there was so many roadblocks and so many hurdles that we had to get over to try to get all this stuff done. Those are the kind of things that you don't want to have to deal with when you're in crisis mode.

No, you want those things to be in place so that a crisis, or so that things don't become a crisis. Things are bad enough when you go through the health scares or issues. What you don't want is the difficult things that happen by default when you don't have the right things in order as it relates to your legal documents, or you don't have the right things in place so that your true wishes are followed.

I know we talked about, I think we have another circumstance with a client where in a second marriage and there were children from previous marriages on either side, and you have to have correct legal documents in place to make sure that your children get what you've earned if this is a second marriage.

Absolutely. That's huge, and we'll talk about that on the how to protect your loved ones show, or we'll get into more detail about it. But definitely if you're on your second marriage, prior to your marriage make sure that you have legal documents ready to roll so that when you get married to the second spouse...

Yep.

...everything's been talked about.

Yep.

Everything, the goals are agreed upon. This goes back through the whole show. The goals are agreed upon, everything is in place, and everything flows properly per your wishes.

It's so true. And if you just think about today's show, everything is, one builds, or each thing I guess builds on the prior. And so if you can have the right conversations going into the marriage, whether it's a first marriage or a second marriage, if you can have these conversations with your kids, you're going to have a much better chance at a wonderful marriage, one that'll stick, versus being a statistic, part of that divorce rate. And so all of these things are so important. I wish we had more time to continue on this path because there's a lot more to it, particularly as it relates to things that you should be planning for. We'll get into that with the protecting your loved ones, and that's next week's show.

I think it's in two weeks.

Two weeks. That'll be a good one. But keep all these things in mind, folks. There's so much here that you can take away from this show, and if you want more on it, there's blogs on this on our website at omnistarfinancial.com. We have a number of the topics that we talk about on the show will often be found in a blog on the website. So if you want to go back and read some of the things we've talked about, you can find it. If you need more information, call us or email us and we'll be more than happy to get that to you.

So we've gone from an incredibly negative subject of divorce through a beautiful subject, which is marriage, and now we're going to keep the beautiful subject. I think we're going to just keep that going, and we're going to move into Wine Wednesday.

Wine Wednesday.

And for Wine Wednesday we've been covering noble grapes. We're almost through all of them.

Yeah, 18 of them.

About a dozen and a half, so we've done pretty good. We've gone through a lot.

I hope everyone has learned something from this. I know my girlfriends would watch the show early on and be like, oh my god, I didn't know you knew these things. It's research, babies, research.

But you know what, here's what happens with that research. You begin to learn a little bit, then you want to learn a little more.

Yeah, absolutely.

And then as you're tasting and enjoying the thing that you're researching, it really becomes almost habit and hobby, and then passion can set in. And I know for me wine is something that is a passion. I think it's become one for you.

Oh, absolutely. And one of my girlfriends was out last weekend, I believe, and she sent me a picture of the wine list, and I was like, what do I want? And I know her tastes very well, and I know what she eats usually, I know all about her. And I was like, oh my god, I'm so honored I could cry. I was like, you want that Malbec.

Oh, I love that. So you've become sort of the aficionado among the crew.

Yeah, we'll see. It's not saying much, but after you learn about things, one of them today, the Sémillon, when I researched that, because I'm not a white wine drinker, we've talked about that a lot, it pairs perfectly, and I read this multiple places, with sushi.

Oh, 100.

And pickled ginger.

Oh yeah.

And sushi is my jam.

No doubt. I think everybody, if you don't know that, check out our Instagram page. You'll find her eating sushi routinely. That is your favorite food for sure.

Oh, absolutely. I could eat it daily. And when I get sick of it... When I lived in Marietta, in Atlanta, there was a sushi restaurant across the way on the square, and it is Tycoon. Tycoon, if anyone's ever in Marietta. There's also one downtown Atlanta. But it was so good, and I ate it three to four nights a week, where I would go in and they would say, oh, do you want this roll or this today, or do you want this or this? I love sushi. But Sémillon pairs perfectly...

Oh yeah.

...with sushi. I had no idea.

Yeah, with fish in general, right, particularly sushi. It's great. It is a go-to. And yeah, if you've never had it with sushi, throw away the sake for a minute and try the Sémillon. I know you love sake, but hey, look, we're talking wine here, not sake.

True, but maybe we'll talk, although sake is a wine.

Oh, absolutely, right. That's a rice wine. So I guess you're not totally off page if you're drinking sake, although I don't like my wine warm, but sake kind of works that way.

Yeah, it does.

Don't you traditionally drink that warm?

Yeah, hot actually. Yeah, everyone's always like, I can't believe you're drinking... It's delicious. It goes perfectly with sushi.

So Sémillon, great wine. If you're not a white wine drinker, try it. Beautiful flavors here. And if you like things like Chardonnay or Sauvignon Blanc, you'll find a lot of the same characteristics in Sémillon. So really, really good. A French wine once again, and one of the originals, why it's called a noble grape, but really, really good wine is created from this. A lot of acidity here, mostly that comes from a cool climate region. You get a little less acidity when you get into a warmer climate, but both, whether you like a cool climate or warm climate, they both produce wonderful wines.

And by the way, a lot of folks think that you can't age a white. Sémillon's one of those that you can. You'll find Sémillon in things like Sauternes. That's a typical grape that makes the Sauternes, which can age for 20, 30 years.

So absolutely they can age.

And part of that is the sugar, right? So acidity and sugar in a white wine creates all the aging. And we'll switch gears and go to a red, where you need not so much sugar, but you need tannin, and you need acid to really create these aging beauties. And today we're going to talk about Syrahs, whichever you like to say, but really there's a reason why...

Mm-hmm.

...that we go... Do you know the reason?

Syrah would be more French, correct? And Shiraz would be more Spain.

So climate again. Cool climate would be Syrah, and combine them, right?

Exactly.

And then warm...

Yeah, would be, think Australia. Super hot there. And so you get some of the most incredible Shiraz out of Australia. It's definitely one of their, it probably is their trademark grape, if you will. But warm climates or hot climates, you get these incredible Shiraz, full-bodied, always full-bodied. If anybody tells you that Shiraz is kind of a lighter weight, then they're not drinking Shiraz. It's never below medium body, and generally it's going to be full.

Super dark. I was about to say super inky dark, not translucent like a Pinot or...

You are not going to get that. What we talked about, Mollydooker, that was one of the wines that we covered.

Oh, never ago. You're right.

But you're gonna find a Mollydooker Shiraz. Mollydooker Shiraz is gonna be almost a black purple color. And interestingly enough, if people don't know this, Shiraz is soaked for as many as it can be weeks on in super cold water, and that helps suppress that opaqueness so that it's not so dark that it truly looks black. But great grape. This thing produces some of my favorite. I think I said that day that we were talking about Mollydooker, it's one of my favorites. Whether it's cool climate, warm climate, I love Syrah and I love Shiraz. So wonderful grapes.

And probably one of the things that people don't know about Syrah is you hear people talk about Petite Sirah, right?

Yep.

A lot of people get them confused, and I've heard people say, well, I'm drinking the little Syrah, or the petite. Well, they are genetically linked, but they're leagues apart. Much different animal. And so don't think that if you're drinking a Petite Sirah that you're just getting a Syrah, not even remotely close.

So make sure that it's the same.

That's right.

If you're in a vineyard too, one of the tricks, obviously some vineyards aren't going to have their grapes labeled or the rows labeled, but Shiraz is going to look egg-shaped on the vine. So it's not going to be quite as fat and round, it's gonna look more egg-shaped. So you could be walking around saying, oh, that's a Shiraz grape.

That's right, it's a Shiraz or a Syrah. And Shiraz and Syrah, they are identical. Those are identical grapes. The difference is the climate. As we talked about, Australia, they typically call it Shiraz, and that comes from, there's a town called Shiraz, and so that's how that started. But really it's all about climate.

The other interesting thing, what you just brought up, I want to talk about that for just a second. So when you talk about Petite Sirah versus Shiraz or Syrah, these things can age for a long, long time. They can go 25 years. And I've got some in our cellar that are '05, so they're 15 years old, and they've got a ways to go, and they're drinking beautifully, and they should get better. So these wines are really, really good.

Blended, by the way, they tend to use other grapes, and they blend well with a lot of things. So you'll find them with Cabernet blended in France. You'll find things like Grenache being part of that blend, and that just gives them a more complete wine, if you will. But if you're drinking 100 Shiraz or Syrah, get ready for a big old mouthfeel. Huge, huge wine. It's a good one. Fruit, plenty of good oakiness, everything that you want in a great wine. Beautiful with a steak. And we've got a killer Shiraz sauce, which is an easy reduction to make on your stovetop. We're going to share that with you on Instagram today.

Absolutely. Killer, killer, killer. So when I looked at that, and I don't usually do a lot of sauces for my steaks, like I love just the unadulterated...

Oh yeah, of course.

I don't even usually do herb butter. I'm just straight up, straight up steak.

Yeah, classic. I love that.

But the sauce sounded fantastic, and I didn't realize that it has tomato paste in it. Yeah, that kind of shocked me. What is that, the acidity or the consistency?

It's a binder.

Okay.

So it'll create a little bit of the thickness. It also adds some more acidity.

Okay.

And you'll get a thickness from that as you reduce it. But here's what's really interesting. People that make beef stock or demi-glace, as it's called, any of those types of stock, and especially in demi-glace, you'll find tomato paste. That's classic. But it really gives a nice smooth, what's the right word, viscosity.

Okay.

So the more you reduce it, and that's really what tomato paste is, it's tomatoes that have been pureed, if you will, and then they've just reduced, all the water's come out, so they've been reduced to just the tomatoes.

It's really, yeah, it's super tomatoey for sure.

So yeah, try that. It is a great recipe. And generally when we put these recipes out for you, it's something that we've created and we've tried, so we know they're delicious. So that with a hard-seared steak. Make sure you keep the pan that you cook the steak in, so when you start making that sauce you can get all those little bits off the pan, called the fond, and you get those into that sauce, and it just adds an even more big set of flavors that will match the food that you're eating.

Right. It sounds like it's just gonna marry them very well.

Oh my gosh, gonna be delicious. So hey, look, on a Shiraz sauce with a big filet mignon, that wraps up another week of We're Talking Money. And what I want to tell all of our listeners is two things. One, we're glad that you're here. We appreciate you listening. We've got new things

coming first of the year, I think we mentioned that. Yes.

The other thing I want to say is how grateful we are that you listen, how grateful we are that you're our clients, how thankful we are. Very, very thankful. It's a great time of year to tell people that, but we really should do it more than just now. But since we're at that time of year, happy Thanksgiving to everybody. We'll see you next week.

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