What Once Was

Phil, Roger, and I had a conversation in the OmniStar kitchen a few days ago, and an interesting question was put on the docket. A few questions are usually thrown around during lunch hour that prompt everyone to think. This week, Roger asked about things we used to do, but don’t do today. He wasn’t asking on an individual basis – his question begged a response with societal significance (most of our conversations have societal undertones in the kitchen). What a wonderful question. 

After thinking for a minute, I felt a twinge of sadness and disappointment. As an old soul in a young man’s body, I pointed out several things we used to do.  

• Gentlemen opened doors for ladies 

• Gentlemen removed their hats before entering a building 

• When going to a nice restaurant, men wore blazers and ladies wore dresses 

• Before dining, a man pulled a chair for a woman and took her coat 

• Manners were commonplace: yes sir, no sir, yes ma’am, no ma’am, please, thank you 

• Greetings and farewells were genuine 

• Humility was standard 

• We had patience 

Sometimes, our kitchen conversations make me question why we don’t go back to the way things used to be. Two weekends ago, I attended a celebration of life for the man who started the Hampden-Sydney Soccer program. Jim Simms, or “Coach” (as he was known by many), did all the things we no longer do. Apart from being a U.S. Marine, Coach earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees from the University of Maryland and his PhD from the University of Michigan, was proficient in Russian literature, participated in theater, taught dance classes, directed the Military Leadership and National Security Studies program, welcomed political debate, and won countless awards for his dedication to service and teaching. He embodied the characteristics of a good man and a good citizen. To further enforce Dylan’s piece on DEI two weeks ago, Jim Simms was the definition of diverse. Coach attracted quality – not because of any award or credential behind his name, but because of his commitment to being a gentleman.  

I began looking around the room while listening to members of the first Hampden-Sydney Soccer team talk about Coach (who I had as a professor during my time at H-SC). All I could do was smile and nod my head in approval. There must have been 150+ people in the gymnasium, and not a soul in the room looked out of place. The men were in blazers accompanied by ties or bow ties (one mark of a Hampden-Sydney man), dress pants, freshly pressed shirts (tucked in!), polished shoes and matching belts, and not a hat in sight. The women in the room were of equal caliber. We sang verses from “Those Caissons Go Rolling Along,” “Anchors Aweigh,” “Off We Go into the Wild Blue Yonder,” and “The Marines’ Hymn.” The celebration ended with the playing of bagpipes – two professors (Philosophy and Chemistry) played simultaneously. If you haven’t listened to bagpipers play in unison, I strongly encourage you to do so. Not many eyes in the room remained dry. It was a beautiful event and a proper farewell to Coach.  

In writing this piece, the sadness and disappointment I felt in the kitchen has waned. It turns out that “what once was” still exists. Though harder to find, the man in his blazer and bow tie still exists. The woman in her coat and dress still exists. The ladies and gentlemen of old still exist. They exist in Farmville, VA, and on the corner of Eastwood and Military Cutoff. When you see them, the impression is lasting. When you hear them, the sound is striking. When you experience them, everything else becomes average.  

There is much to be learned from a lady and a gentleman. There’s also much to be learned in a kitchen.  

Be well,  

Spell Carr